Pampered in my parlour

by Yeoh Siew Hoon

When you are on crutches, you see the world differently. The first thing that happens is that everything you take for granted flies out the window, with your mobility.

Every move seems harder, every step higher, every distance further and every floor ever so slippery and slithery.

Everyone also looks at you differently. Some wince in pain at the sight of you hobbling around, some appear almost embarrassed, some treat you like the walking wounded and make a great fuss while one or two try very hard to look away or through you.

You after all are a limping reminder of their own vulnerability.
I ventured out for my first outing, a week after my leg surgery, to attend a gala dinner at the Raffles City Convention Centre, hosted by Colony Capital, now owners of Raffles Hotels & Resorts and Fairmont Hotels.

Called Deluxe, it is an annual high-brow affair laid on by the company and each year it is held in Porto Cervo, Italy. This was the first time it was being held in Singapore and it promised a fashion show with “sveltve models” (are there any other kind?) and Earth, Wind And Fire whom I thought was no longer around but apparently still are.

Anyhow, I was sick of talking to my leg and needed adult conversation.

So my chariot, my knight and I roll up the driveway of the Raffles The Plaza and, as soon as I showed my cast and crutches, it was like the parting of the Red Sea.

Everyone moved aside to make way. The doorman hovered over me while I got out of the taxi while the concierge rushed out to tell me a wheelchair was on the way.

“No, no, I don’t need a wheelchair,” I said. I can be both brave and stupid on occasion but this time, the concierge looked at me as if I was stupid.

“It’s better for you,” he insisted.

He was right. Those expensive marble floors of hotel lobbies are good to look at but hell on crutches. And the distance from hotel door to lift door seems interminable. I began to see life from a handicapped traveller’s perspective – we don’t make it easy for our less fortunate brethren.

At the cocktail reception, everyone was chattering away and drinking champagne. My companion and I were ushered to a side table in the corner and offered drinks – obviously this was the designated sick bay.

I found it quite refreshing though – everyone came up to the one-legged woman to say hello, and to sympathise. It was like having my own private parlour.

When it came time to enter the ballroom, I absolutely refused to be wheeled in. Talk about making a limp entrance – I think the photographers thought I was a wounded celebrity and I walked into a wall of flashes. I now know how it feels to be Paris Hilton.

As it turned out, my table was one of the further ones from the door and the walk down the aisle with the spotlight was definitely not the walk of my dreams.

Let’s just say I fell into my chair and there, I stayed the whole evening. There wasn’t a lot of reason to move anyway – the staff were solicitous, the food sumptuous, the models sveltve (actually skinny would be a better word), the clothes fabulous and the diamonds glittering.

But the real “Fantasy” was yet to come – as Earth, Wind and Fire played (I am told only three are the original musicians), I realised you can still be in “Boogie Wonderland” sitting down.

Moral of the story: Crutches, be damned. Party like you’re on your last legs. And oh yes, having one leg in a cast is good for the mind, but oh so bad for the butt.

Catch more of Yeoh Siew Hoon every week at The Transit Cafe