When your team tells you where to go…

The instructor took out three golf balls and started juggling. After a few seconds he passed them to me. 

I am rubbish at juggling, particularly so when, as I was at this moment, sitting on the bottom of the Aegean Sea. It was at this point that things started becoming too surreal and I was given to ponder upon how I had got here in the first place.

The whole idea had started, like ideas so often do, in the back of a minibus on the way home after another high octane travel industry do. I couldn’t decide where to go on holiday this year. Before making a sizeable purchase I like having as close to perfect knowledge as is possible. Were you to embark on the researching of every country/brochure/website/resort/hotel/operator etc you would have to give up the day job and you’d finish just in time for the second edition brochures. 

In that so familiar state of post-trade function, alcohol-induced nirvana I had what seemed to me at the time, a stroke of genius. Delegate the task! 

So, the next day I summoned my office team and with a twinkle in my (bloodshot) eye, bade them sharpen their pencils for a team task. I gave them my dates, insurance details, date of birth, a budget and finally my credit card details. 

Their mission was to book me a holiday. They could send me somewhere they thought I would like or to a destination they felt I wouldn’t like but they deemed ‘good for my all round education’ or, if I was a really horrible manager, for a week’s yoga & meditation in Bracknell.

They set about the task with rather more relish than I thought was strictly healthy and after many whispered conversations, not a little giggling and some ominous eye rolling came the first (and most predictable) question:  “Errr, can we go over budget a bit?”

I left them to it and engaged myself in the more pressing matters of the 2006 Complete Cruise Solution launch.

Eventually consensus was reached and I was asked one final time, “Are you sure you want us to book this for you?”  I did want.

To make the whole thing more exciting we agreed that I should only find out where I was going on the actual day of departure. The rules were simple. The team only had to tell me if I needed any inoculations and whether to pack for the warmth or the cold and I was not allowed to send them nasty postcards if I didn’t like their choice. 

All documentation was to be put into an envelope with instructions of where to be at what time. In this case, I was told to be at Gatwick on Monday, August 8. Only then was I allowed to discover my eventual destination.

In the preceding weeks, among the jokes and the red herrings, there was one awkward moment when one of the team informed me that the holiday included an ‘excursion’ for which I would need my doctor’s consent. This led to the following bizarre request:  “Hello, doctor. I need you to sign a form stating that I’m fit to engage in an activity without actually telling me what that activity is.  Can you do that?”  Eyeing me with a look that headmasters normally reserve for the naughty boys, he duly signed.

Having tried as hard as I could to avoid thinking about it too much, my last day in the office arrived. The team handed over a large and impressive box and wished me good luck. Among the instructions on the top of the box, was a recommendation to ‘keep an open mind’. 

Now I started to get really nervous as I began to get images of nudist colonies and Jacuzzi swinging. So it was with a mixture of intense excitement and trouser-filling worry that at 06.30 in the long-term car park at Gatwick airport, I finally lifted the lid of the box.

I needn’t have worried because what awaited me was a week’s diving course on a gulet in Turkey with Neilson. After a week where I didn’t see one cloud, gained a new qualification, explored a new world, found a new passion and immersed myself in the chilled camaraderie of a ‘live-aboard’ dive boat I salute my team for their fecundity and wisdom. 

To cover all eventualities I had packed 29 kilos of clothes. In the event I probably used 500g of swimming shorts and t-shirts. Left to my own devices, I would never have chosen this holiday but I’m so glad that they did. 

Top marks must go to Neilson for providing a first rate holiday experience. The reps on the boat were a credit to their company and overseas repping in general. The diving instructor (who doubled as a rep) inspired great confidence from the off and guided us expertly to our PADI Open Water qualification.  Just like cruise ship crews, though on a smaller scale, the Turkish staff on board were friendly, efficient and punctual.

So, if you’re ever overwhelmed by the choice of holiday destination, want to get an idea of what your staff think of you and enjoy taking small risks then I can only recommend asking your team to tell you where to go!

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